What if...

Updated: Mar 4, 2021

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have zero anxiety?  

To not have any pain, health-related issues, or illnesses?

To leave the house without apprehension?

To simply roam around the world without a care in the world? 

To not carry around guilt, shame, or trauma?

What if we made different choices?

We can analyze the “what if’s” all day long.

Within our power, how can we change our lives and habits realistically? 

Experiences mold us, and if we are lucky enough to survive certain events, they ultimately change us. Listen to stories from others. They are blessings after the storm. I cannot imagine what my life would be like today if I hadn’t gone through terrifying, life-defining moments.

I’ve had many “what if” moments in my life. I almost died twice from anaphylactic shock due to severe allergies. A bee sting on my lip, and developed a severe fish allergy out of the blue. I endured physical and emotional trauma. I’ve had a toxic environment. I’ve had depressive episodes. I’ve had panic attacks. I’ve had life-changing surgery. Modern medicine has saved my life, over and over again. I’ve been through “a lot” to some people, yet to others, my story doesn’t even remotely compare. 

I also encountered other experiences, that could have easily resulted in death. 

When I was 12-13 years old I was walking with my friend, close to downtown. She was pretty much the boss of me back then. We were about to cross a busy street, and she told me not to go unless she told me to. She said “don’t go” but I thought she said “go” and there weren’t too many cars nearby, so I trusted her. 

I went halfway and my friend was screaming for me to come back. In a blink of an eye, I instantly froze, as I stood in the middle of the street. I waited for cars to pass by. I was stuck until I was struck. 

Those next few seconds happened quickly, yet I was in a weird slow-motion state. I felt something brush closely against my chest and knew I was still standing upright. I slowly opened my eyes in a panic and saw a car window right in front of my vision. So close, my nose nearly touched. I smelled burning tires and car fumes. I felt the heat against my body.

Everything was vivid.

The next thing I knew, my body went straight up in the air like a rocket. I was up so high in the sky, I saw the top of the tree in my view to the right, as the corner of my eye tried to peek through.

Was I in the tree?

Was I really up that high? Was I dying?

What if I just listened to my gut?

I wouldn't have experienced this life-changing moment.

Directly in front of me, I saw two to three bright lights shining evenly in a row. Again, I felt frozen in time. I swore I saw glowing angels with wings. It felt like I was floating. For a second or two in the air, I was at a standstill, while being in their presence. 

Then, my body gently and slowly released down to the sidewalk. I felt completely guided. To this day, I still remember the motion. It felt too good to be true. It felt calming. I pretty much landed on my butt gracefully, somehow facing the street.

My friend rushed towards me, as did the guy who hit me. In shock, I assured him I was okay, but I was missing my sandal. 

Guys, my sandal was in the back of his pickup truck...

The worst thing that happened was that I had a swollen ankle for the rest of the summer. I briefly had black tire marks on my foot. That was it.

What if I had waited a few seconds later?

What if I went sooner? 

Did I witness a miracle?

That was the first time I truly trusted God, at least that I could remember and comprehend.

At 18, I was in a car accident due to my car fogging up, and could have easily gone off the road multiple times in a ditch, or could have been struck by other vehicles. I drove 20-25 miles in the dark, not knowing where the exact road was and it was storming. I was on the highway, as well as country roads.

I kept saying, “Grandma guide me” because she had recently passed. Oh, and my cell phone battery died.

I almost made it back into town, until I went off the road, spun around in a circle a few times, and my car suddenly jolted to a stop as my rear crashed into a sign. 

I was alive. 

At 20 I went through a depressive state for about a year, after a major breakup. At 21, I almost lost my life due to drunk driving.

I was on my way home at 2:30 AM and a half-hour away, when I thankfully was stopped by a cop. Looking back, I knew I wouldn’t have made it home. Unaware of how impaired I was, the whole night was a blur. Being on anxiety medicine ultimately saved me from getting an official DUI. Obviously, I shouldn’t have been drinking in the first place. 

I had to do community service, attend a meeting, had my license revoked for six months, and it definitely changed how I live my life today.

Lesson learned.

That night, I had a couple “weak” drinks plus a huge margarita, but I thought I would be okay once the alcohol “wore off within a few hours.” Boy, was I wrong. I remember telling my friend to not let me drive earlier that night. I don’t blame this friend I had. It was my decision.

But what if?

I remember being hot in the car. I remember rolling my window down. I remember being on the wrong side of the road for a little bit. I remember going at least 20 mph OVER the limit at one point. I remember thinking to just go slow and focus. 

What if I wasn’t stopped right before I was about to head on the highway? 

What if I hadn’t learned my lesson?

Here’s the good news for those reading this now, WE are the lucky ones. We are still living. We have a chance to improve. Every day is a gift.

Every soul has a chance to be reborn. 

While we can’t control our childhoods, genetic predispositions, and certain health conditions, we CAN control SOME things... and that’s a start! Don’t blame others. Don’t blame yourself.

What if we were meant for bigger things?

What if our past will help others?

What if God makes no mistakes?

Instead of focusing on the negative “what if’s” let’s focus on what we CAN do. 

Have you had near-death experiences? Have you had one struggle after another?

You are not cursed. You are blessed! 

God only gives us what we can handle.

Say it out loud, again and again. 

Create your own mantras, personalize, and be specific.

Focus on pure positivity.

Celebrate the wins. 

Blessings> everything else. 

You are a miracle, my friend. 


Kimberly Ann


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